When I started writing these musings, I really had no idea where I was going with this. By and large, I still don’t. I only know that I feel compelled to record and publish my thoughts. I do NOT feel compelled to advertise these thoughts. I post them one place only, and that on the FaceBook page of a small church.
Do I feel compelled by the Holy Spirit to do this? My initial answer is no. I have felt the urge to record my thoughts for years now, since way before I ever cared for anything of God. But I never acted seriously on it. So do I feel compelled by the Holy Spirit to do this, given my understanding of predetermination and predestination? The answer suddenly becomes yes.
About 2 or 3 years ago, I can’t remember exactly why or when, only that I had just started back to school. This would mean it was closer to 3 years ago. Anyway, I don’t even remember why he was here, but I was visited by an older gentleman. We got to talking computers (I studied Information Technology), and he told me I should use any gift I had to help others. I told him I had often thought about recording my thoughts, and perhaps as I learned about I.T., I could be of some use to somebody. He looked at me like I was an idiot. I don’t remember his words, but I remember their meaning. He felt that a fairly well-spoken fellow like myself, with computer skills, should use these gifts to glorify God. I was completely baffled by the idea. How can I use a computer to glorify God? He expressed something along the lines that I would figure it out. Now understand, at the time, my largest concern was how I was going to pay the mortgage. I was only thinking of computers as a means to make some money. When I said I wanted to help people, what I really meant was that I wanted people to pay me to help them. Silly human….
Anyway, as I have mentioned in a previous post, I am still taking milk instead of meat. That said, perhaps I could be of some help by telling of some of my basic difficulties and how I dealt with them. Perhaps I can share some of the joys and the setbacks I have experienced, and perhaps another new Christian can find some value to my musings. I think that is the direction I will go; for now anyway.
ISSUE: I went a very long time ignoring God. I have begged for His help, received it, and promptly put Him out of my mind. I did this for not just years, but decades.
What I have learned of this is a very Calvinistic truth. The reason I rejected God was that I was unable to seek after God until He called. It is not much more complicated than that. The first indication that He was calling was that I never lost that remembrance of Him. Of I could put Him out of my mind, but I always ended up remembering Him. When He finally did call, I did not feel overpowered per se’. But Here I am a couple years later, completely fixated on Him.
ISSUE: Some of my sins have been pretty awful. Unspeakable even. How could God be interested in somebody like me?
Am I the worst sinner of all time who ever got saved? I might argue yes, but in reality the answer is no. I borrowed the title of this blog form the Apostle Paul, to remind myself of this. Paul was the chief sinner. Ask him (read it), he says so. My point is, that any person who has God working in their life feels this same way. I am convinced of it. Have I murdered Christians? No. But I would venture to claim that I have sins under my belt that would have shocked even Saul.Even Paul.
ISSUE: So why would God choose me?
I have absolutely no idea, except I read that He did it before he even formed the world. I find it very difficult to wrap my head around that. But then I read, and see that He moved nations, people groups, and individuals to accomplish His decrees. Think about that. We all have a tendency to see God in the “big stuff”. When there is a hurricane or tornado that levels an entire community, even the world calls it an “Act of God”. But remember also that God used the moving of nations, and even individuals, just so there would be a King by the name of Cyrus. And by the way, He declared through a prophet that the king’s name would be Cyrus. If any individual in the heritage of Cyrus had “chosen” another mate, Cyrus would have never been born. Oddly “coincidental” was that his parents named him that.
I guess I sort of went chasing rabbits there for a bit, but I return to my question: Why would God choose me? I honestly don’t know, but thank Him each and every day for doing it. I thank Him in words that do not begin to describe how grateful I am.
This musing may well be turning into a two-pager. I’d like to keep my musings under a page for now. I look forward to continuing this journey, and this journal.
I will venture to guess, that since I am not advertising this blog, that if you found it, it was not by accident. I pray that I come across as truthful and I pray even harder that I somehow manage to glorify God in the process.
God’s peace to you, if you happen upon my musings.
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